This gem was within a newsletter I received last week. The timing fit.
“Rejection is interesting, because it’s one of those emotions that isn’t based on anything factual or true about our self, yet we have all experienced the feeling of being devastated by feelings of rejection.
What is the actual experience of rejection, really, though? It is acknowledging a mismatch of energies. Dis-resonance. When two people or things are no longer in alignment, we must go different ways. It’s a neutral fact. No one’s fault. The truth is, when you experience “rejection” someone simply recognized the dis-resonance between you before you did. Someone has to take initiative in that.
If they use words that are unskillful, which is often the case -because face it, parting ways is hard to do – it may feel hurtful, but that’s not rejection. And it’s not a statement about anyone’s worthiness, lovability, talent, beauty, creativity- or anything. On an energetic level it means feeling anything less than the 100% awesome sauce you both deserve to feel, together or apart.” Jessica Shepard
Most recently, I had high hopes when throwing myself into a relationship. It seemed to come prepackaged with all the long term plans partially scripted. As enthusiastic as I may have been, I never lost the sense of resistance I saw myself repeatedly putting up. I now see I was trying to wait out the doubt; to see if I could fit myself cozily into the plans.
Why do we think we can wait out our doubt?
The discordance came from being shown many things I had specifically asked for yet didn’t quite feel in sync with. What can look good on paper rarely lives itself out so perfectly. Thus, the budding romance didn’t quite bloom on my end.
When making decisions I’ve always relied on the handy pros vs cons list. This circumstance required more emotion than a calloused dividing line. So when faced with staying or going, I had to weigh what walking away would feel like verses what staying would feel like; in which scenario would I carry the most doubt? This isn’t to discredit the person I was involved with, but to illuminate how trusting I had to be of myself. That’s a powerful ask.
Trusting one’s self is immeasurably mature. Here I am demonstrably proclaiming that I can still have all the ‘perfect on paper’ as well as with the very right person. In the very least, I honed in even more precisely what I do value and require going forward.
When deciding on a life partner, compatibility is the biggest theme. And the absolute worst for a relationship is the feeling of contempt. Had I kept going along to get along, resentment towards myself and towards him would have blossomed into contemptuousness. Even the tiniest bit of resentment is a death knell for a relationship. More profoundly, always trust your gut.