My Status is Not Stasis

BrockaMusic, Relationships, TravelsLeave a Comment


flashing lights

flashing lights

This past Sunday my mother and I were driving to visit my grandmother and I got pulled over by a cop. Quite curious since I was obeying the law. It always makes you feel a little anxious regardless. Turns out my inspection sticker has been out for 6 months! Geez, why didn’t I notice? It is usually mailed to me automatically, yearly. Since I have moved, I guess the forwarding address expired too, and the updated one never did arrive. As I’m going on to the cop about my new address excuse (it is old on my driver’s license too), my mother is over there hootin-on: ‘she is my darling daughter’ and ‘this is my model child’. He’s suspiciously grinning and saying, ‘well, let me go look at your driving record to determine if I should give you a warning or not’ for indeterminate buildup. Then I really panic. I’ve had a few very powerful Mercedes for 7+ years, thus I now average at least one speeding ticket per year.

Bless the lovely cops heart. We went on our merry way. And oh he was lovely. As soon as the window goes up, my mom says ‘did you see if he was wearing a wedding ring?’ I’m like ‘no, I was too distracted by the very long black eye lashes that oddly didn’t match his dirty blond hair.’ The particular suburb I was driving in is very intolerant and severe. I solely believe my mother being in the car got me out of a fine. Thank you. Moving on…

First thing Monday morning, ordered the new tags. While on the DMV site, I wavered on updating my drivers license too; decided no. Downloaded the form, which prior to going to the DMV soon, I will have already filled it out and be the first in the door when the place opens; I will not stand in an asshole-to-elbow deep line. You know I bring reading material too. Everywhere I go…

So now, as if the line up of changes in my life hasn’t been escalating, I find out yesterday my landlord wants to sell the condo I’m in -and seeing as that my lease is up next month, hmmm…glad i didn’t change the license address.

To give perspective, over 3 years ago, I decided to drastically change the path of my life. I’m kind of an extreme person (not kind of), I ended a 3 year relationship and shut down production of that 6 year dessert business in the EXACT same week. -all to finally no longer put my singing and music production desires on the back-burner. I started vocal lessons within a few days and production on the first EP within 5 months. It was an expensive endeavor and it took a good year to get those 6 out of 9 songs actually made, ready. One music video I hope never sees the light of day! (please, whatever whomever offers to pay you, NO!) The manipulation of my hair into something violet is the only picture I really saved from that day too.

violet hair

violet hair

Here I am again, one year after that EP, starting on new music. I just quit my job a couple weeks ago. Frankly stated, ‘I would like today to be my last day.’ No week or month to build up to it. Who wants to employ someone who doesn’t want to be there? AND, I just decided last week it would be best for us both, to no longer date the great person I’ve been seeing. Then, this week my landlord tells me I might need to move. He wants to sell the condo. My rent is very low; he isn’t making any money. Repairs, hassles…

What seems immediately obvious: focusing on my music puts every other thing in my life into clarity. Call it tunnel vision or priorities or whatever… Sure I want steady employment, sure I want a healthy, wonderful relationship. Sure. I have specifics. I get more and more specific. My music is non-negotiable. I want to feel absolute about all else as well.

Wrapping this up: I am taking a little breather to fully embrace the next phase of my music, the style, the revised branding. I am traveling quite a bit over the next 6 weeks, mostly for fun and friends and foodie indulgences. I have a couple work plans, one taking shape, and one actualizing towards the end of October. And as of this afternoon, I negotiated a trivially more expensive/shorter lease, while a serious buyer comes forward. I now don’t need to feel such anxiousness about my living situation.

First stop next week, NYC. Here’s a #fbf in the West Village from 2010!


2010 NYC, West Village

Peace of mind moving into the weekend. Enjoy yours.



BrockaMy Status is Not Stasis

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