I’m having a moment. I need to get something off my chest. Yes, I may be taking something personally, but this is my blog and I can do that. And seeing as though I haven’t posted in almost a month, I might as well with enthusiasm.
Just a little background: I put out an EP (6 songs) vs an LP (full album) almost a year ago. The same month I did so, I thought to myself “I will not be a starving artist.” and essentially got a full-time (at the time) job, almost the same week. I am not making excuses when i say that I didn’t have the time to hustle the music. I am being honest when I say i didn’t hustle the music, though. I followed the traditional protocol of getting a press release and sharing it with some local bloggers and media. It really went nowhere. I hadn’t been on stage yet. Nobody needed to give a damn about me as I was coming from nowhere. That’s fair. I now have a booking agent and have another show coming up June 14th, a Sunday eve. It is evolving in its own way, as all things that we let do so. (the human brain thinks linearly; life isn’t so)
I still may be coming from nowhere, but I have learned a lot more in the interim. I have clarified with myself the type of artist I want to be, and though this is subject to change and evolution, I am old enough to know myself fairly well and my default behaviors. There is very little -to nothing- about my personality conducive to the ‘tour bus traveling through the states’ musician. I’m horrible with little sleep. I am a lightweight about alcohol. I hate people in my space for long periods of time. I hate sharing a bathroom, frankly. Any man that lives with me, I have two bathrooms. Period. End of that discussion. Even though I’ve mostly lived alone always, I’ve still always had a 2-bedroom place for guest, regardless.
So, no f’n way am I traditionally going to go about building my fan base through city by city touring and merchandise sells. If you are absolutely unfamiliar with the industry, those 2 things are THE 2 things that make money. Touring and merchandise sells.
So the honest point of this blog is, I got the recent blogpost from DFW Style Daily and it kinda stabbed me in the heart. They were writing on, plugging, interviewing, acknowledging, a local Dallas singer-song writer. And I thought to myself, you didnt give me a moment when I sent you my press release. Yes, I fucking took it personally. I have the humility enough to plug someone else I don’t care for the music, and a blog that pisses me off, but You may like the blog, You may like the musician. She’s 80’s dance music style and alto vocals. I can be forthcoming about this. I am not that insecure. Just like being in a relationship: I may float my lover’s boat, but that doesn’t mean he won’t find other women attractive. Such as nature, such as the abundance of options and the environment we live in. Bless it! I may be my man’s songbird but he does and will like a lot of other music.
Can’t I also be human enough to say that this genuinely hurt my feelings. Because I do have those. I am also confident enough to know, I will do this without you, without anyone’s acknowledgement or help. This is confirmation for me that I am on the right path, because I don’t need anyone else’s validation of my behavior. I don’t need anyone else to write my music or sing my lyrics. Writing is healing. And though I want to say Fuck you, I should probably say Thank You for making this clear to me today. The truth is, when i was in 6th grade, I would stand up in front of my friends and sing Mariah Carey songs. When I was in high school and throwing the weekend parties (for people I didn’t even know!) I would stand up and sing Sarah Mclachlan or Lauryn Hill ands The Fugees songs for a crowd. (Happy Birthday Lauren Hill, fellow Gemini) I would sing at the entrances of Northpark Mall in Dallas with another girlfriend of mine song-acts, very Glee style. We had harmonies, we had choreography. We even had a hat laid out and people would tip us! We were only 13.
Addendum: over the weekend I worked on a youtube idea that I’m passionate about with the help of two people in my life. I know neither of them may like my voice or read the books I’m reviewing, but they support me. And again I am humbled to have such angels in my life, Thank you.
We will always have and need helpers and supporters in our life, but that doesn’t mean we need social media or anyONE particularly to validate us. The crazy thing is, there are over 7 billion people on the planet. The best part about this is, there are enough people to support whatever we are doing. Keep going, keep being you.