The constant noise and activity of New York City does something to concentrate the mind. I deliberately embarked on the trip to get some clarity. It also served itself up as a compare and contrast case. Maybe live in the city; maybe take the job there; maybe there’s a relationship. A lot of maybes.
Pardon the delay in posting. Prior to leaving, I began a first phase of a kitchen remodel. There were also the two weeks preceding the trip, in which I was back and forth with potential employers. I may now be suffering from whiplash: the preparation and anxiousness; the zoom calls and interviews; the editing and the follow ups. All of that buildup and now I’m in waiting mode. Such is life. As for the trip itself, there was anticipation and excitement, too. Going to a place with so much variety in both food and lifestyles felt apropos to my current circumstance of weighing options around work and living choices. Yet, what I’ve returned to is the finishing phase of the kitchen, and the continued wait-and-see of job prospects. Busy on one end; slammed brakes on the other.
It is a privilege to have options. With more than one, we can almost draw up the table in our minds: pros on one side, cons on the other. Weigh a possible outcome in allegiance with our wants. Compare and contrast with the freedom of choice. What if this, what if that? Every time we are weighing things, we’re also future casting; it’s how our linear brains are wired. We may even be projecting a certain outcome that’ll never come to pass. We can’t predict the future nor control another’s behavior, though. Either choice still has an unpredictable outcome. The bigger the decisions, the bigger the buildup, the bigger the possible let down, too. What if the book being published doesn’t sell the number of preferred copies, and so much of a future plan is riding on that? What if the work isn’t really commensurate with the pay, or the situation wasn’t described completely and you’ve uprooted your life? What if the person in your mind doesn’t meet the reality, or what seemed a concern isn’t a concern?
So much happens in the mind before the reality is experienced. So much can be a waste of mental or emotional energy.
It is nice to press down on the brakes then, metaphorically; to be reminded to play it as it lays; to be more patient. Wait things out a little longer. Don’t even try to determine. Meanwhile, back to the regularly scheduled programming of a writing routine.