Compare and Contrast

BrockaRelationships, Travels, WorkLeave a Comment

The constant noise and activity of New York City does something to concentrate the mind. I deliberately embarked on the trip to get some clarity. It also served itself up as a compare and contrast case. Maybe live in the city; maybe take the job there; maybe there’s a relationship. A lot of maybes.  Pardon the delay in posting. Prior to leaving, I began a first phase of a kitchen remodel. There were also the two weeks preceding the trip, in which I was back and forth with potential employers. I may now be suffering from whiplash: the preparation and anxiousness; the zoom calls and interviews; the editing and the follow ups. All of that buildup and now I’m in waiting … Read More

BrockaCompare and Contrast

Easy Come, Easy Go

BrockaTechnology, Work1 Comment

There was a lineup of legal envelopes, each filled with a precise amount of cash. The envelopes were labeled on the outside with how the money was being used, whether general bills or an upcoming extracurricular activity. This filing system was how my mother budgeted. Checks were rarely deposited into the bank where they’d be left to exist as an ephemeral number to remember and work with, but cashed and handled tangibly so as to visually itemize and account for things. During this time, before my mother actually started working for a bank -ironically enough, she would take any extra cash, the individual bills of tens and twenties, and fold them up to tuck away into different wallets or pockets of … Read More

BrockaEasy Come, Easy Go

On Permanence

BrockaRelationships, WorkLeave a Comment

Piecing some of today together. Having just returned from brunch, I admire how conversations with friends dive deep immediately. We discuss permanence; whether to stay or go.  I’ve always scoffed at permanence. Having to choose a tattoo sounds like punishment. The thought of not being able to change my mind feels suffocating. I’ve even found myself unfollowing people on twitter simply because they make blanket, dogmatic personal statements; as if there can be no deviation; as if generalities don’t exist. We get too locked in. Sometimes we get complacent.   Yet here I am in the city I’ve lived my entire life. We grow up and everything old no longer fits. It becomes too tight and too stifling. So why linger in a … Read More

BrockaOn Permanence

Half & Half

BrockaBooks, History, WorkLeave a Comment

It’s certainly been a minute since I’ve written here. While I could whittle off a list of excuses, the main theme of my past month was rebellion. For instance, after almost solely planning a party for my company, I decided at the last minute to not attend. And it felt so free walking right past it and out the door. I genuinely didn’t give a damn; which is where I’m at mentally with my job actually. I’ve been stirring up my own bowl of interests to see what rises to the surface, top priority, next job posting or creative pursuit; both pursued simultaneously most likely. I think I finally folded up the ambition to pursue new music making. My heart … Read More

BrockaHalf & Half

I had a dream last night…

BrockaBooks, WorkLeave a Comment

In one scene I was being led through a vacant, all white -from carpet to ceiling, studio apartment. There were high ceilings and nooks built into two walls. Apparently I was looking for a place to move. I found myself wondering if I could insert my rather tall bookshelf into one of the nooks. In each room I pondered if this broad, eight foot high piece of furniture would fit; on which wall it should sit flush against. In another scene I was sitting at a large, oblong, dark wood table in the center of a room with brown wall paneling and squatter ceilings. To the side of this, there was a tall receptionist desk in front of a window, … Read More

BrockaI had a dream last night…