Sex and love can be separate, but best enjoyed together. Love and marriage, often and best together, don’t need each other. Emotionless sex, often lonely. Just a marriage, the loneliest indeed. It is best to also clarify what is generally, collectively believed about sex: woman are more emotional and men are more compartmentalized. This is bullshit. I personally attest.
Fact: men are more visual and woman don’t need visual or fantasy or role play or dress up…
…clitoral stimulation by itself led to activation in areas of the brain involved in receiving and perceiving sensory signals from that part of the body and in describing a body sensation — for instance, labeling it ‘sexual.’But when a woman reached orgasm, something unexpected happened: much of her brain went silent. Some of the most muted neurons sat in the left lateral orbitofrontal cortex, which may govern self-control over basic desires such as sex.
Men are more needy, that’s the irony.
I’m no feminist, and I find the feminist movement slightly hysterical, literally hysterical. Aside from the facts behind wage disputes and body objectification, I’ve always thought the woman the more powerful. It is often our behavior which sets the tone. But there is a necessary global reckoning taking place. Both science and world religions prove all things hinge on balance: the yin and yang, the acid alkaline, the masculine-feminine. Each person in a healthy relationship knows when to push or pull, friends know when to listen or offer advice. Even, especially in business, everything is about compromise.
Again, I feel the amplified screams of woman are necessary. We are trying to right a ship that veered too far one way. There are causes which need more care. But like all ends of a spectrum, there are extremes.
I also believe we woman perpetuate our own body objectification every time we post a selfie or a bikini pic at the beach or a thigh gap while we’re seated. Like all beings we want to be loved and admired and adored, but because our skin has more smooth lines and natural curves, we should intelligently negotiate how much we share. No, I’m not saying be a Saudi and hide all but your eyes, but at least be honest about when you dress provocatively to get attention and feel sexy. We have stopped treating the simple as sacred and subsequently gotten spread eagle vulgarity, meat dresses, and deliberate nipple escapes on stage. Each awards show has come down to ‘which bandaid as a dress can be worn as most classy?’ It is the woman who buy the tabloid magazines, watch the cat-fight female driven reality shows, and write the fashion blogs comparing said thigh gaps that continue to perpetuate the same thing they want to feel less marginalized by.
The same can be said to the obese woman who hates ‘being made’ to feel less beautiful yet makes no effort to reach a healthy weight and believes her binges are her emotional right in a grand ‘fuck you if you don’t love me this way’ gesture. We can’t ask people to respect us with any more respect than we hold for ourselves.
Ladies toys further prove, we don’t need a man. But YIKES! Ladies, if this is your idea, you aren’t being objectified.
Here is a brief article on the book Why Love Hurts The sociology further hints at relationship dynamics requiring balance.
By juxtaposing the ideal of romantic love with the institution of marriage, modern polities embed social contradictions in our aspirations, contradictions which in turn take a psychological life. The institutional organization of marriage (predicated on monogamy, cohabitation, and the pooling of economic resources together in order to increase wealth) precludes the possibility of maintaining romantic love as an intense and all-consuming passion.
I personally wonder why we have to get married anymore? It is quickly becoming an institution reserved for those religious or wanting to grow a family.
I’ve only listened to one episode of one of these; a couple I know by reputation and wouldn’t poke a long pole at. You’re on your own here as to which would be worthy of your attention or personal circumstance.
Who We Can Love
The best relationships happen when two people have enough self awareness and honest emotional health -and/or are willing to work through their ‘stuff’ with their partner, whether married or not.
Cheers to adulthood! -sometimes just for fun or sometimes an attempt at forever.