To Feel and To Know…

BrockaRelationshipsLeave a Comment

Love is a verb. It is the behavior in the relationship. Love is the sacrifice and the compromise. Lust and infatuation are the emotions from the chemicals at the beginning of the dating process. I don’t mean to sound so unromantic about the process, but I do mean to express maturity about what it takes to sustain a relationship. And any adult that has experienced a longterm relationship understands this reality. In truth, we would all like for the ‘lusting after’ and being in love part to run the entire course of the relationship too.

Why do we pursue dating without the promise or guarantee of love? Because we are selfish. This is the truth. The act of courting is the most ego-boosting thing we do in our lives. It’s flattering and attentive and personally encouraging. We are usually presenting our best selves in this stage, so this alone uplifts our self-esteem. And duh, dating leads to sex. I don’t need to say more here. This primal drive, drives everything. Everything. Most woman (more than men, when asked) want to ‘fall in love’ because we’re reared to believe this initial part of the process. After some time invested, both parties realize you ‘fall’ into reality. And after time in a marriage, when people think they need to ‘find the passion’ again, it’s not only trying to feel the initial infatuation but remember why you fell in love in the first place. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. We often want to ‘feel’ the love because this helps to authenticate where we stand. But, we ‘know’ the love by the person’s behavior, how they treat us, attend to our needs and share themselves daily.

And, it’s great to be in a relationship you believe will last forever. It’s especially heart-warming to see the ones that have made it to 25 yrs, 30yrs, or 50yrs milestones. I’m especially excited to hear that these couples are still ‘in love’ with each other. I’m quietly devastated every time I hear about a marriage that has ended, especially when so many years had been invested in it. I know in the durable ones, it has been many acts of selflessness that have nurtured it. When people describe love, they are usually discussing emotions and how they feel. But we really know we love someone when we are willing to extend ourself beyond our independent needs. Any type of loving helps us grow, because we are branching outside of ourselves.

We live in a feelings-based society coupled with the added pressure of marketing that leads to a number of premature marriages. It’s the selfishness for satisfying the ‘ideal’. I am not arguing whether this is a good or bad thing, since every relationship we enter helps us mature. But having a realistic expectation never hurt either. Some relationships just organically end, run their course, teach you things, bring people into our lives, then move us on…

Ive always said the two most necessary things for any relationship (in business, with friends, or in romance) is communication and compromise, the 2 C’s. But in a loving relationship, it is 2 S’s: selflessness and sacrifice. This is how you know you love…

February 14th xo 

 

 

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BrockaTo Feel and To Know…

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