I would like to think I read more books than I realistically do. It’s a memory of myself -when I could stock up on books from the library weekly, when I only had the distraction of a few emails and penpals online. I didn’t have a television. I was in my first apartment and this was a lifestyle I thought I knew about myself.
A funny thought just struck me. I’m sitting on a stool, typing on a low table. This was exactly how I was set up in my first apartment. I think I actually had my laptop on a wooden bench. I sold my desk when I moved most recently and don’t miss it. I also gave away my flatscreen tv so this current reiteration is showing some consistency of a prior self. I just can’t with television. I did give-it-a-go though. Obviously a proper desk isn’t necessary.
Now stacks of book taunt me. They represent a dreamy moment of escape. Being a bookish recluse is the most boring fantasy anyone could come up with. Call me exceptional.
Yes they epitomize the intellectual, studied sort. Yet the more I consider my desires for minimalism and the literal weight of carrying things as we move and travel, the more I hit a wall. I will make much more liberating decisions the next time around. I know this.
During today’s walk, I clarified with honest observation how much expansion I need in my life; and my current routine is not so much. I am terribly appreciative for my job and my life but I also know this is temporary, mainly because it is not 100% me.
In the interim, I have gotten over the engrossing and distracting ability of the internet. I’m generally an anxious person, so I’ve never been one to have multiple tabs open in the browser anyway because it feels overwhelming. I’ve recognized the times I do use social media as being filler. Intentional distraction. Let’s be real. When it’s research or inspiration seeking or material driven, ok. But let’s be real. Generally the mediums deliver little purpose more than entertainment. I recognized how I’d have a program on Netflix and still be reading off my ipad or a book. Thus, it was just background noise. I was trying to multitask and giving neither the full attention necessary. I cancelled Netflix awhile ago. I am capable of watching something -a movie or drama series. No I’m not some twitchy neurotic; it’s just not what I source for leisure time, let’s put it that way.
Aside, I do not watch thrillers or scary movies and the last time I did was 20+ years ago. I do not comprehend deliberately inviting this negative stimulus into the body.
Back to the books and the attention: one quickly realizes where priorities lie when time to indulge in indulgences is minimized or taken away. This is my reality now: my free time is minimal. And I’m choosy as hell about how I spend it.
I’ve also unfollowed redundant newsletters and blogs. It’s very apparent the recycling of info. The crutch of the evening posts is already being old news. I’m sorry. I read that already :/ Bye.
My fantastical self is to daydream, to want to multitask, to learn ALL the things from all the tabs open, to be both indulgent and literary sitting in a circle of books. The visual is carefree spinning in a field of lush landscape á la Sound of Music variety. This joy does not have longevity because it’s ethereal.
I don’t need to read all the books in the library because I have access to all the books. I need to only read the books which will help me fully access the potential and expansion of my self.
Minimalism has been hijacked to represent few items on display and decorating in all white, when in reality it means streamlining our lives. -to not get wrapped up in the drama of entertainment, the unserving negative distraction of news, the commercial desire for more resulting in hoarding too much. Most of it is filler like our use of social media most of the time. Coincidentally, Twitter still won’t let me post this site because it sees it as malware. I have cleared out what the hacker installed, but still no dice. This has occurred during my actual use of Twitter being down to nill, having realized I can live without it too. I’m being patient about it. I sure as hell can’t say I need Twitter though. Let’s be real.