Well at least this blog hasn’t stopped accumulating spam! The Russians are everywhere, I tell ya.
I certainly haven’t been here, so why am I letting it gather dust?
Because it’s really hard to loosen the grip of an ideal. We need ideals for our better selves, even if they only become a cudgel, mentally chastising when we don’t live up to them.
There’s never anything wrong with wanting to improve, but at some point you put up or shut up. [cue Phoebe Snow’s song Never Letting Go]
As I’ve said, journaling – or simply documenting, is no proper writing, other than to build up a tolerance against hand cramps.
But the music! Yes, there’s more of that too. If I had all the time and money at the moment, I would go into the studio and knock out five new songs, and then pick the best three to put out as singles. The inspiration and creativity for it have been in inconsistent waves, but when they come, they knock me right over. I remember being deliriously sleepy a weekend afternoon back; trying to lie down on the couch. My brain was having none of that and I just popped right up and something I believe to be great came out in one fell swoop. That momentary joy. For those of you who inquire, I always appreciate the prodding.
I’ve been living one foot out the door, both at work and at home. To stay or go; to relocate to another city or someplace else within my own; and all the contingencies that must be factored into making each decision. Sometimes it can feel like they’re all compounding, but I realize no decision is needing to be made NOW and to let things play out as they will. Some days I feel like a minion on a factory floor and other days I feel like I’ve won the lotto. I’m so grateful regardless, because all other parties involved are willing to be patient with me till I’ve decided. It’s always nice to have options.
As you see, I haven’t chimed in with my usual monthly book reviews in quite some time; mainly I haven’t wanted to ostracize with my choice of political non-fiction. Letting things be. It’s becoming more apparent that it’s next to impossible to negotiate between different perspectives, because we are inhabiting entirely different worlds, world views. The siloing off will get worse.
I did just recently finish the newest Donna Leon, Unto Us a Son is Given. Her Commissario Brunetti stationed in Venice is always a pleasure.
I’ve had a birthday since my last blog post and geez! do I feel like I’ve grown up significantly in the last year. I’ve always considered birthdays to have a more New Years-y vibe, and I tend to reflect upon my self more so than in January; where I’ve blossomed, where I’ve faltered. Age is a natural maturing factor.
Here’s to trusting the timing in life.
Sorry to be a stranger. Loving this Paul Gauguin, 1893: