I have wanted to retaliate all week. Throw out an argument to an argument. Kept mum instead -worth it. Listening and silence, still in the waiting and watching mode.
I don’t have the words or the prose, because there is so much noise currently; who would hear, who would care? And I don’t want to write just to be on defense. To be human is to have pain and to solve problems, yet this doesn’t mean I need to picket every pain and investigate every problem. I take things in stride. I am focusing on my immediate here and now. And I will not shout in a crowd of screamers. I will not participate. We feel what we feel and this is non-negotiable. Why argue over inarguables? We all know the cliché about carrying resentment and anger: it poisons the carrier.
Our feelings are so full we couldn’t place a peanut in the food pantry.
I saw my first Black Lives Matter hoodie sweatshirt on a black girl at the grocery store today. My first thought was ‘she’s hot, nice body under that’, because we are visual first. My second thought was about her being on defense -feeling like she has to announce it.
Every one of us is living our own story. The stories have chapters. The chapters have subject lines and themes. Our collective environment is a repetitive loop of all the extremes. What is buzzing:
Black Lives Matter. Cultural Appropriation.(with food, with clothes, with neighborhood gentrification) Post-Truth, Post-Fact.(with elections) Climate Change. Pseudo-Science. Minimum Wage. Robot Revolution. Globalism. All the isms…
It’s loud, it’s antagonistic, it’s apocryphal; and it’s also sincere yet apocalyptic. We have to go here. Things have to erupt in order to settle. Destroy to rebuild; i’m extreme like that, and I like it. (such as why I’m willingly on the ride)
The point of this paradoxical loquaciousness is: I don’t have anything to add. My mood is watching and waiting. And when I saw this painting, I resonated so much. Or really, I projected how I am resonating onto this image. This is my mood.
We don’t need to say everything. We don’t need to be any label. Let life live itself out.