If this were a phone call, you would very well be startled by my voice; and may have forgotten it.
Bare with me, this could be a doozie.
The more time goes by in which I don’t blog, the more negligent I feel on what I want to comment on. And the opportunity keeps passing me by, as they do. Time does not stop for much deliberation frankly. I used to be spontaneous. I used to shoot from the hip. It did get me in trouble a couple of times, foot in mouth style, but physically I have never been in harms way.
Is there more at stake as an adult? -the being level-headed, feeling buttoned-up, and having consequences to everything we say or do version of ourselves. Our biggest consequence is leaving a digital footprint. Some are mindless and classless. Some have no choice but to stay professional. Some level of decorum has long been lost with no reason to return. We are way beyond the Victorian era.
Now let me broadly recap, so I can post-commence with sharing on more specific things: shorter opines. (because my drafts folder is about to topple over by its own weight) During this past month++ of quiet, I vacillated on turning this space into a once monthly newsletter verses infrequent blogging. Whatever. This space is what it is. You’ll know when I know.
In summation, June was both slow with drudge work AND impactful with changes. I had another birthday and moved. I sold, liquidated, downsized minorly, recalibrated goals, jump-started new routines, and re-focused personal priorities. It was a shift of grand proportions I’m happier for. Simply, as a left-handed person living in a right-handed world, I’m back to my side of the bed via furniture arrangement in my new place. Everything about the new energy and Feng Shui feels exactly as it should be. I learned new things about myself and literally learned how to do new things; my abode is a show of it. This is also the first time since I was 19 years old that I don’t have a gym membership. Much of my routines have evolved. Healthier with a serious capital H: the diet, the weights; most importantly: the mind.
This shift facilitated getting very clear about personal goals. I’ve never been a longterm planner or a ‘5 year plan’ type of person, or even a bucket list type of person. I have generalities. I have ideas, a few grand visions, but no absolutes. I feel I faltered in recent years by falling into the linear construct, every step needing a plan. Deliberation. It really doesn’t serve me. Often, we end up holding on too tightly, thereby holding ourselves up. It’s the flowing, spontaneous version of myself who gets the best end result, pot of gold most quickly. Frankly, I started hating a version of me. Wound up.
My history is entrepreneurial. Again, I never had a specific goal, but things naturally and organically evolve. Like the dessert biz, I had a newsletter which turned into a website which grew by word of mouth with a little hustle and cold-calling. In those years, I learned more about my weaknesses. I suck at selling and marketing. I’m terrible at the self promotion thing, as my music can attest. I feel too embarrassed or egotistical. At first I considered myself less confident, as if my baking product didn’t taste that great or my singing voice doesn’t sound that great. Whether one likes my product or my singing voice, this isn’t the case. It is our personal beliefs which help or hinder.
Social media is the necessary evil to marketing. I’m disgusted by the over-sexualization of females on instagram for instance. If I wanted the followers and numbers and more attention for my music, I would’ve shown cleavage a long time ago. I could simply post more selfies. That’s the easy route I’m not taking, but I’m obviously not trying something else either currently. . . I have an idea brewing.
Other than whimsical travel, my life has revolved around 3 main things for 17 years, and I’m now moving into the 4th. Call it maturing, hopefully wiser. Is it now about healthcare and 401Ks and benefits. Who have I become! 🙂
I am a helper. I am a healer. It is what I’ve done and it is what I know. And I’ve been reluctant to verbalize it because of the current collective I’ve surrounded myself with, the new social media followers who know nothing of my past, the fresh adulthood doubts that stamp down the innocent child wisdom. Truthfully, here, the reluctance and doubt is not my own. It’s the world, the external. Simultaneously, people from my past are sprouting back up and reminding me of this person I once was, still inherently. Not one person or two people, but multiples in strength. A dinner with someone who knew me 18 years ago, tea with a soulmate of 20 years, lunch with another spiritual connection-passion project friend. Maybe I’ve needed their reminders, confirmation of my strengths. I’m now being contacted by people specifically asking questions, of which I can only offer answers from a place of best intentions.
This 4th place is corporate. I’ve been so tired of the entrepreneurial instability. As I said, it’s not of my personality to hustle. And as I type this, it dawns on me I sit in the very center of the entire office spanning an entire building floor. I’m not only a helper, but hopefully, a grounding anchor. This new stability now affords me the real peace of mind when tinkering with passion projects: writing a book and creating songs in the studio.
I shall commence with those joys I feel confident in.
One thing I’ve learned: the perceived weaknesses stem from lack of confidence. When we are confident about a product, plan, objective, skill, or standing on stage singing, there are no doubts or insecurities. The more we know about a topic, the more eloquently we speak on it. No pausing to look up things, no ‘uh, um, well…’ This behavior is an easy metaphor for using our interest-strengths-passions as pursuits. As is said, practice makes perfect.
I recently heard the quote, ‘God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, to listen more than we speak’.
Thus, in the last 6 weeks of MIA on the blog, I’ve streamlined, focused, and grown in confidence. And no, I’m not forgetting anything I’ve started, nor conversations still needing to be had.