I didn’t think I was ever going to get a good night’s sleep in this past three week stretch. 4-hour pockets do not suffice. My hang-up was in anxiousness and excitement; not the solemn, worry induced kind of insomnia. Music is on the forefront of my mind and days in the studio lead to nights looping lyrics and planning next steps in my mind. The best kind of exhaustion i could ask for, and i haven’t even gotten to the nightly performances yet! Geez, the cliché ‘it’s all about the journey..’ rings a bit true.
Regarding this blog, here’s a bit of insight into my personality: when I feel overwhelmed i just shut down. I’ve tried to highlight a variety of fun stuff here, and that’s made the whole theme of the blog rather directionless. I’m concluding having a specific topic may concentrate my focus, but the likelihood i’ll ever write about just one topic is slim to none. Books, maybe. So the reality is, inconsistency it is. There’s only so much energy i have to expend; and music production it is.
I haven’t written since before the New Year, so i’d like to make one note on that. 2013 was fucking hard! Yes, on one end of the spectrum i was making my singing dreams come true, but in all other aspects of my life, i sucked. Not even gonna sugar-coat it. I just wanted to be left the hell alone! I was a shitty friend, child, date, and often downright cruel to myself, the way i spoke to myself, the negative loops i put through my head. Depression is such an easy word to throw around with such heavy connotation. Even when i hear it/write it, it seems pathetic and a damn cop-out. The visual imagery i have attached to depression is laziness, that’s probably why. Busy-ness and depression aren’t usually in tandem. I was not busy enough, that’s all it was. Much is kicked in gear now.
Our thoughts do create our reality, not the other way around. Don’t base the day off how you feel. Decide how you want to feel first. The joyous place i’m living, without compromise, is doing me loads of favors. I’m attracting specifically who i want in my life. I’ve always said that through my music, everything i’ve ever wanted would come to me, because creating and sharing music is the most authentic part of my self. I am very assured the man who is supposed to be in my life will be introduced to me this year. And oh, it’s been so long since i’ve been in love. I don’t care how long it last and how it turns out. It’s a fun ride to be on. He is orbiting close.
So if this post only reminds you of one thing, we never know the pain another carries. May 2014 be better for us all.