The glass of wine I’m enjoying taste more vinegary the second day. It is cheap enough to pour out; or better yet, just share it with someone and finish it the first day. So this is where I’m coming from.
I didn’t even look at the date of my last post before anxiously sitting down to do it, not over-thinking I need a specific subject, topic, goal, or agenda. It always comes to me when I just do it. Nike’s quote is Buddhism in disguise.
It has taken me a long time to learn timing is everything; beautiful paradox.
Why do i feel like a slacker for not blogging? What’s so great about sharing so much? When I post a #selfie on instagram or in social media, I feel a pang of guilt…like it’s shallow to expose myself. Then i reckon I’m not (ever!) posting cleavage shots or thigh-gaps or gym selfies with half my ass exposed, or beach bikini bod or the whole gamut that literally results in having THOUSANDS of followers. Woo-hoo you have numbers! Promoting oneself with image after image to grovel over, the numbers seem to perpetuate and validate. Get back to me on what… My body is fucking fierce, btw. I know what i do, how I eat, how in-tune I am with its function: to the newest mole, freckle, hair… None of this a picture could capture!
Wait, it gets worse. How asinine does this sound? I am going to get up, get dressed, take a picture of my outfit, then post a blog on the labels I’m wearing. Seriously, I think they call this fashion ‘blogging’. Different strokes for different folks.
Back to the hold-up: there is so much, so many people to contend with, so much I genuinely want to say and share, it paralyzes me. It is only paralyzing because I have not built up the new habit of just sitting down and writing everyday. Even if it is 5 sentences. There is something to be said about ritual, discipline. These things define your character. It is easy to break down when you calculate how many hours you sleep, how many hours you work, then with how many hours you have to get in some exercise, cook/eat, then participate in a vocation/hobby/new education or goal. I figure it all balances out in a week. I sure as hell don’t go to the gym everyday or practice another language everyday, but it does add up.
Time. What the fuck? Seriously no one is as busy as they make out, that’s the damn truth. The truth is some people use their time better than others, that’s all. We make time for priorities.
My most recent priority has been my music. And it has seriously fallen to the wayside. I do not feel guilty about it. I know intellectually I’ve been negligent but I also know how much I’ve learned about the music industry in the last couple of months. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of artist I want to be. I just want to MAKE ART. There is no agenda. There is no bottom line, no mansion or amount of money, no end result. It is something honest and genuine I want to share. Expressing ourselves is healing, that’s the truth. I don’t want to know what the porn wanna-be on instagram is trying to heal though. My music is on its own timeline. I have every anticipation of making more music, very different from these first 6 songs I’ve shared. I’ve needed to learn how I wanted to express the next set.
I’ve been working a job I very much needed: the education, the discipline, its reliability. I am exactly where I need to be at this moment. I am about to move to a neighborhood I grew up in. I’m coming full circle with a number of things. I’ve needed to heal. I still have healing to do.
It doesn’t matter how much we share on Facebook, twitter, instagram…we just never know what’s really going on with another. That’s the most honest thing. It doesn’t matter how much we perceive, it is not 100% or all the story.
But participating in this abundant-means-of-expression-world a little bit, being open, being vulnerable, sharing sharing sharing (as this is built into our DNA) connectivity, it can be just enough and just right. After all, others only know what we tell them and only see what we show them. Put on a happy face. It really will make you feel better. #selfie 😉