Pardon

BrockaMusic, WorkLeave a Comment

-as a statement, not a question. Sometimes it needs saying. I have never used the word pardon as an apology. I say pardon in the office to rehear what you said. Always better than ‘what?’ Here, now, I say pardon to alleviate myself. I only want to acknowledge where readers have felt a discordant pulse in what I may usually put out.

It’s interesting where our insecurities lie, where I have found mine to rise: after I’ve expressed too much, shared too much, given too much.

Immediately I feel an equal pull. I want to retract, regress, refrain. Under this debate…

I feel a resonance and in moderate harmony with feminist: the when and the why we silence ourselves! This allegiance is the only time I do. Why do I fear there should be an equal and opposite reaction to an automatic display of words or behavior? There is always something vulgar or provocative about showing too much. Societal norms, cultural mores.

Giving away too much. What do I want to share-give-show coupled with what you are willing to share-give-show.

venn diagram

venn diagram

 

This is precisely why we collectively let artist in all forms be -comedians express in extremes. Television, movies, sculpture, and paintings deliberately demonstrate as absolutes, raw and real, slightly disgusting sometimes. These progenitors amongst us are given a longer rope, a leeway to be antagonistic and truthful. I just wanted to note this after last Sunday’s post. a (trivial in this context) bit of rawness on friendships.

I’ve always related with the artist. When I feel most vulnerable is when I’m singing or dancing. Collectively, we all feel it when we tell a deeply personal or private story. One time I was reading a book and felt compelled to read it out loud. I became choked up and tearful; I stopped myself abruptly. I was stilted by my own emotion in my own space, with no.one.else. around. Why…

Reading to ourselves is actually a new norm. I feel like I know. I was raised being read to. We used to read out loud. The Beginning of Silent Reading Changed Westerners’ Interior Life. Yes!

There are certain moments in my song writing where I get too emotional singing. I think, ‘how can I share this song, how can I sing it live?’ if I can’t even confront it on my own.

Our humanity, our humanness literally comes down to a willingness to be, to express, to share.

We don’t all have to be artist. It is necessary to be a little more vulnerable and expressive though, in the wake, growth and absolutism of A.I. and robotism. Use emotion to your advantage.

No more pardoning for being.

 

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