I got off work early Friday, grateful. In the last few days, all of my immediate need-to-do and want-to-accomplish have been met. A random question popped in my mind, a ping of curiosity. The first time I sat in meditation at 8 years old, how-WHY did I come to do so? Why the seated position, the deliberate spine structure, why the darkness and focus on breath… I have wondered what propelled me, what instigated the behavior, the influence I was under. Had I read, seen, or heard something? Yes, most probably. But it’s been 4 days, and I have no particular clarity. We are so susceptible at certain moments in our rearing. Consequences we can’t fathom yet feel daily. Maybe … Read More
“You also have to become comfortable with embarrassment. If you’re not willing to screw up in public, you’re best off being a worker bee. You need a thick skin to make it.” -Bob Lefsetz Boy did I…take a break. The only time I came here was to do some housecleaning once and prompted site updates. I deleted 78 of the 86 drafts I had hanging. Necessary to wipe the slate clean; that spring vibe. I considered If I hadn’t put it out, it either made little sense in the meandering thought, was a topic of redundancy, was a contribution to more useless noise, or something I just really wasn’t willing to share yet. I’ve been holding onto some resentment regarding … Read More
When I woke Wednesday morning and realized I’d completely, utterly forgotten about the Two Question Tuesday posting, I asked myself why’d I’d added more on my plate in the first place. I’m going to take a break from this space for at least the next 3 weeks.
If you’ve read my words long enough, you know how much I love spontaneity. These decisions tend to be the ones which really create our life. But we live in a world of abundance and options, so our instincts become derailed by distractions. I have stood firm on what I want, and I have also needed daily reminders from the inner voice to be patient. I do not need to be spontaneous. I have time. If I haven’t felt an immediate YES and GO, I just dilly dallied and never shot the bullet or filled in the paper work; or procrastinated the decision long enough till it rescinded itself or was taken away as an option. The common colloquialism is … Read More
When I used to think myself an authority I see this picture of a woman in leggings and a sports bra in the headstand pose and I admire it. I try to do my headstands weekly, but it’s fallen out of habit (not favor). I am attracted to this image, the lifestyle it represents, a familiarity I know from having once thrown myself fully into it. I lived it and breathed it and spoke knowledgeably on; and people always asked me questions or for my advice. I exuded someone who might have an answer. I spoke publicly on many occasions. The picture is really an other, and it currently feels distant. An old me, to be honest. I wonder when … Read More