I Just Can’t

BrockaHealth & Wellness, History, PoliticsLeave a Comment

Everything online is so annoying to me. It’s provocative and petty. I don’t even know what the point of my Twitter account is anymore and it has way more credit than having a Facebook account. I only got on Facebook to have a music page, but now I rarely even listen to music and vaguely recognize a singing self in me. I do not sing everyday like I once did. I do drink a glass of wine every evening so I’m certain my vocals are less smooth, less clean. I would have to dry out for a few days before I even showed my face in a studio, absolutely. Every time I open Facebook I wonder why I did. Every time I open twitter, I wonder why I did.

I’m burnt out of most podcasts I listen to, and it’s been FOREVER since I really got into a book; like a good book you deliberately shut down your day early for and have no regrets being tired for the next day…

There’s just a general dis-satisfaction, regardless of how grateful I pronounce myself to be each night I fall asleep. There’s an angst.

I’ve cited one political quote this week, but other than that have not engaged in politics since my last post. (oh hell, this sounds like an addict saying they haven’t had a fix in a certain amount of time) No that’s not it. It’s just disgusting. And it’s not because Trump was elected president. Donald Trump is a result. Protesting may feel like a potential cure, but it only puts a bandaid on a gushing wound. And even the strongest narcotic won’t cure the result of a disease. Most of the reactionary behavior to his election is only exacerbating the problem; the protest, the lack of self reflection as to WHY this happened. The moment we are living is the pinnacle of no personal responsibility. We are living with the result of it. We are living with the result of making an excuse for everything that feels imbalanced, unfair, incorrect, beat up, abused, and broken about the human condition.

Perpetuating it is an excuse, as productive as trying to treat a symptom verses getting to the root cause of what is causing the symptom. I will give credit to a lot of journalist whom have self-reflected ‘how did they miss this so greatly?’ But they are generally dissecting in a way to disseminate and destroy next go-round, do not doubt. Our circumstance is a fuck-up of great proportions, in which even those whom voted for Donald Trump did so while holding their noses. America has always been and will always be exceptional but may have to rise from the ashes or a trash-heap in a couple years.

As physics proves, as nature needs balance, as I’ve said before: we are living in extremes. And I’m sitting back. Where some believe now is the time to act and scream out louder, I personally feel like watching.

It now may sound absurd for me to say I’m cautiously optimistic.

On the daily, lighter note: I took off work Tuesday to go to the doctor(s). I sat in a waiting room watching people come and go. In our daily lives, we are so cross cultural and non-political. Why must it become (has become) a patch we wear on our sleeves, a label; something defined and divisive? Because it really isn’t in our day-to-day lives and never is until we walk outside with a sign or a label or a shout or an antagonistic behavior.

I haven’t weighed myself since my last physical. It’s not something I do. I’ve lost more weight than I thought. It’s the 80% vegan diet I’m sure. Still can’t say whether it really works for me, to be honest. Don’t know how long it’ll last. I can’t say I see veganism as the healthiest way to live. I am a big proponent of intermittent fasting though, regardless of what you eat. The entire time I was having blood drawn I chatted about recipes with the lab technician. Food, always food though.

Thursday my office had a big potluck Thanksgiving. I always regret eating sweets. I just.don’t.like. them or how I feel when I do. It results in feeling like I’m being punished. Why would anyone want to do this to themselves? Sugar is poison, I do believe. It’s so rare for me that it’s demonstrably noticeable. Demon. That’s about right. There is only one other guy out of 30 who is vegan. That’s about right too.

So I’m just observing and riding this out. I don’t want to participate where it isn’t absolutely necessary. I didn’t even want to sit down and write this.

I’m greatly anticipating the upcoming break for Thanksgiving week, great food, relaxed conversation, out of town and in-town friends catching up, hopefully landing on an engrossing book, relaxing the mind, sleeping in.

I am loving this moment we are living in, a time which will go down in history very well researched and heavily cited. Appreciate this time for at least that point. I just can’t give it anymore energy or attention than what is absolutely driven from me.

Be Sociable, Share!
BrockaI Just Can’t

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *