Self Awareness

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Revised: Title Changed & an article added at the end.

There is the colloquialism, perception: Everyone you meet is fighting their own battle. No truer truth exist. Clichés exist because they are true.

How deep or superficial your battle is, (this is subjective) the end of the year holds its own cloud (negatively) or billows up a parachute you collect the year under (positively) for consideration. Ends are conclusions. Periods seem final. Another year wrapping up is another year getting older, literally. Regardless, it is a linear concept.

What is a resolution? Why does it have a collective behavior or belief around it?


My new behavior is questioning everything. General human behavior and Personal behavior. Why am I thinking the thoughts I am thinking?

Podcast have opened me into the minds of other people and I feel such relief to know I am not abnormal or crazy. We are all fighting our own internal battles. As far as resolutions go, we all want to be better at just being a fucking human being. Just existing is boring as fuck. We are meant to evolve. It’s not just about having sex and having babies, it’s our brains! our intelligence! our problem solving skills!

What are those behaviors, what are those skills??

How self aware are you? The more self aware you are, the more you know you need to know, and learn, and fix what’s messed up…

As someone so absolutely internal and mind-driven, this is a blessing and a curse. Extremely extreme.

The podcast I’m listening to in the background of this blog post is the Tim Ferriss interview with the toughest, most bad-ass Navy Seal, John ‘Jocko’ Willink. (I’m currently in catch-up mode) If you only listen to one podcast: Tim Ferris.

In the last couple of months, I’m getting further away from specifics and labels, and getting closer to ambivalence and Zen. (ambivalence is often misunderstood. It does not mean just the ability to be or feel one way or another, it can also mean feeling EXTREMELY one way or the other). Simultaneously and Contradictory.

Zen Thinking

Another favorite ‘short and sweet’ podcast is Question of the Day. Two favorite people sandwiched into one enjoyment. James Altucher and The Freakonomics guy

I caught up yesterday on all Question of the Day: from 10-19 minutes podcast, quick to digest AND insightful. The episode which lingers questioned what your 5 best qualities and 5 worst are.

I thought I’d wrap up this post on my worst, 5 or less:

  • I am impatient, so impatient

This impatience carries over into my other worst:

  • I interrupt people in conversations (I either get anxious OR I am not listening well enough)
  • I don’t listen well UNLESS I am being very deliberate or being tested.
  • Similarly, I do not read directions. I never have. My biggest fuck up as a human is: I most likely never will! It doesn’t seem to be in my nature, and I know this. I didn’t in any level of schooling and I don’t do it putting together furniture or baking recipes. I just don’t. I.just.don’t. I am presumptuous. I am anxious.

Is anxiousness the core of my faults?

  • Anxiousness

I think i know -I want to and often do-  jump ahead. I’ve been publicly embarrassed, cried in public, and failed many test because I rushed through questions. I’ve destroyed products and expensive equipment because I didn’t use it correctly. I’ve thrown away tons of money in ingredients by not following recipes. I’ve spent thousands of dollars fucking up. This is not an exaggeration. It’s wayway more than $1, 000.

The upside perspective is: I inevitably learn more from firstly fucking up then having to loop back around and ‘relearn’. The 2nd learning carries the weight of mistake and sinks in more heavily, solidifies.

You can absolutely come to me for advice. I have destroyed and been destroyed and keep destroying (fallible).

Here’s my New Year’s resolution advice: DON’T CHANGE a thing

Don’t try to implement something new, just ADD TO wherever you are. Let the light shine in the dark.

Start becoming more self-aware. Start learning from other leaders. Start listening to people who have fucked up. [if you are into politics. you see how history repeats itself] Start reading history.

Add a walk, add a vegetable to your weekly diet, add a piece of fruit to breakfast, add a book to your reading…The new good things will take over the bad old things, inevitably. That’s a resolution. The more you add, the more you want to learn -or know -or read -or experience: the more time you fill up. The good and the good feelings will take over the bad habits and the bad feelings. This is evolution. this is nature, implementing the better. Cells will not mutate on destruction. They will die.

Humanity is meant to be better.

Add to wherever you are. Let the light shine in the dark. -Brocka #BrockaQuote

The more disciplined you are, the more free time you have. i.e. the earlier you wake up, the more free time you have. –John ‘Jocko’ Willink

Ambivalence is the perfect word for being human. We are just being, and multiple {things-feelings-beliefs} simultaneously.

No truer truth exist. -Brocka Quote #brockaquote

Know your inner battle and fight it. Add good to it. Happy New Year.

How to Focus: 5 Research-Backed Tools for Concentration by Eric Barker (they aren’t secrets)


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