This upcoming week is about the ego. Internalizing and reflecting. We are showman and we are questioning what we show. I’ve been on a purge: deleting history, deleting accounts, minimizing my presence…all deliberately. Is this an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and harness a specificity? Even if it is isn’t so deliberate, now is the time. Don’t question it. Deep breaths. Leave or walk away when you need to. Ever since I was little I had a certain anxiety about making decisions. I ran circles around my thoughts like a triathlete. Quickly I learned the benefits of process of elimination. There is so much; there is always so much; especially now. The much is always growing. Leave behind or … Read More
After speaking of dormancy in last week’s post, I didn’t know I’d portend my own fate. I’ve been so ill and mostly in bed, going on 6 days. I did get out yesterday to see a movie, Darkest Hour, about Winston Churchill’s first days as Prime Minister. Really enjoyed it. Worth reading: What’s Fact, What’s Fiction in Darkest Hour? I then went out to dinner, which was probably pushing it. I slept awfully, woke to no voice, and feel worse for having tried to participate with the living. Unfortunately, I have to return to work tomorrow.
Is it fluff and clouds to daydream and eagerly anticipate under the influence of New Year’s champagne? Something about it and birth day reflections pull us into ourselves, manifest a cliché we hate to acknowledge. A chance to recalibrate. There is a sincere honesty when we are being most hopeful; an aspiration towards our better selves. I’m not setting nor seeking resolutions. I have enough issues with overcommitment. I am recognizing circumstances, I am recognizing my behavior in accordance with them… on writing Ad nauseam within this space, I seem to yearly reflect on what kind of writer I want to be; which always comes back to how much I want to express. When you are distressed by an external … Read More
NOUN :mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation I would propose most stress and the entire sense of being rushed is self-induced. We have an I.T. guy who comes to our office twice a week. Necessary. There’s big stuff like managing servers and small stuff like managing personalities whom freak out over small stuff like it’s big. Bless his heart. His disposition is consistently calm which is well-suited to the position. Don’t we all live with an expectation now of how things should work? Do you remember dial-up?! These minor delays and inconveniences try to upend good moods or entire days. I find it comical how our hysteria doesn’t correlate with how well and easy we actually have it. Our frustration seems incongruous … Read More
-as a statement, not a question. Sometimes it needs saying. I have never used the word pardon as an apology. I say pardon in the office to rehear what you said. Always better than ‘what?’ Here, now, I say pardon to alleviate myself. I only want to acknowledge where readers have felt a discordant pulse in what I may usually put out. It’s interesting where our insecurities lie, where I have found mine to rise: after I’ve expressed too much, shared too much, given too much. Immediately I feel an equal pull. I want to retract, regress, refrain. Under this debate… I feel a resonance and in moderate harmony with feminist: the when and the why we silence ourselves! This … Read More