From where I sit: I’ve slept ~6 hours in the last two nights, each. This.is.no.bueno.for.me. Zombie-esque. 7.5 hours is my minimum. I hate everything otherwise! I don’t verbalize it as such, but I think it. I think it so hard. I am concrete being drug through mud. Over the years, under the guise of this fog, I’ve made objective observations. The experience has repeated itself enough, I can somewhat rise above it. There’s always the general anger over the circumstance; the physical ache within my self, my body; the negative thoughts…The real fist punches are the negative thoughts. Now an observer of them, I can classify them as ‘other’, as apart from me and very circumstantial. I’ve learned to overcome … Read More
[Sunday] The first Random Show was in early August. It’s a fine read. A few similarities. I did go back and read it after I formulated this; I needed to see when I had titled another post as such and what numerical value this should be. Since the randomness always runs, how many times have I tried to excuse myself? I’m barely good at boxing myself into this format, something organized and cohesive. Such as why the food-diet-health post is slowly churning along in no cheap, fast fashion way. I want it to be right. I know I can’t avoid offense and hurt feelings or disdain. What we eat is not simply survival-reactionary but personal and emotional, on all the … Read More
I like how this day looks. Its bit of symmetry. A palindrome. The addition and subtraction. I woke today with a mega to-do list, one of which was meeting a friend I haven’t seen in ages for coffee; of course I canceled. This is my modus operandi. Long ago I believed he had written me off, but lo… One of my personally subscribed task was baking for the office. Tomorrow is my one year anniversaire! I remember telling the owner-boss during the interview, I will firmly commit to two years. Halfway through the interview, the second-yet-equal broker came into the conference room to introduce himself and assess, and all he could ask me about was all of my travel; thus leading … Read More
“You also have to become comfortable with embarrassment. If you’re not willing to screw up in public, you’re best off being a worker bee. You need a thick skin to make it.” -Bob Lefsetz Boy did I…take a break. The only time I came here was to do some housecleaning once and prompted site updates. I deleted 78 of the 86 drafts I had hanging. Necessary to wipe the slate clean; that spring vibe. I considered If I hadn’t put it out, it either made little sense in the meandering thought, was a topic of redundancy, was a contribution to more useless noise, or something I just really wasn’t willing to share yet. I’ve been holding onto some resentment regarding … Read More
When I woke Wednesday morning and realized I’d completely, utterly forgotten about the Two Question Tuesday posting, I asked myself why’d I’d added more on my plate in the first place. I’m going to take a break from this space for at least the next 3 weeks.